Don't Go Where I Can't Follow
by Reading Books at Midnight
Summary: If your very reason to wake up every morning is no longer here. What can you do? Levy losing herself in her pain.


My second attempt at writing for Gajevy. I wanted to make it into a sad story with no happy ending but I got too depressed. Which is good. Because I don't think I'd have been okay with myself if I let it end like that. So without further ado, here's the story. And I hope you enjoy it!

The house is empty.

The rooms' cold.

The warmth that is usually accompanied with love was gone.

I open the front door and walk in slowly to the couch. The blue couch. Where I used to read my books while Gajeel rested his head on my lap and Lily slept on the pillow.

My arm was still healing from Wendy's spell. It took a greater hit than I anticipated and my head was heavily wrapped. My clothes were still drenched with his blood. Gajeel's blood.

" _Where is he?" I yell as I stumble through the ruckus._

 _Lucy, Natsu and Juvia were kneeling beside him. His body twisted at an odd angle while Wendy was using her magic on him. His clothes were torn and bloodied. An open wound was flowing freely from a cut on his forehead. I felt the bile rise in my throat as I ran towards the reason I wake up every morning._

" _Levy, I'm so sorry." Lucy whispers._

" _What are you talking about?" I ask hysterically as I close my hand over his. "Yes I saw him get hit with that beam of light and I saw him fall thirty feet to the floor. But he's okay. He always shakes it off."_

 _I gaze down at him while my hands run over his chest. It wasn't moving. I lay my head on his chest searching for any sign of life. No sound. The hallow nothing that was growing in the pit of my stomach grew and grew until I was engulfed in it and became nothing. The hallow nothing is too strong. It numbed my emotions and erased my existence. There was no fighting it. It was like my head was filled with void and I no longer was in my body but a spectator watching what was happening from the outside._

" _There is no heartbeat. Why is there no heartbeat?" I ask calmly. My voice measured from the hallow nothing. My mouth was moving but I wasn't in my body. I am nothing now._

" _I'm so sorry Levy." Wendy says with tears streaming down her face. "I tried everything. I don't know what else to do. I am so sorry."_

" _Why does everyone keep apologizing?" my voice asks. "Look he'll wake up any second now. Gajeel. Gajeel. Wake up. The battle is over. We won."_

 _My body shakes his chest, half lying on top of him. Gajeel keeps ignoring me. Determined to sleep._

 _My arms' motions become frantic._

" _Gajeel stop messing around. Wake up. We're all tired. Come on!"_

 _Natsu grabs my arm._

" _Levy. Stop. He's gone." His voice dripping with pain. "Wendy used every spell she knows. We were too late. He was gone before we reached him."_

 _Like a jolt of lightening, the hallow nothing grabs on to every inch of my body and jerks me down with a force that could render the earth into two halves. I search for the pain. For the tears. I don't find them. I don't understand. Gajeel is gone. This means I should cry. Gajeel will no longer giggle at me. Will no longer lift me up in his arms. Will no longer hold me and listen to my novel analysis. He will never grow a day older. He will never marry me and I will never bring him children. We will never be a family. I will be alone because he's gone and I'm left behind. And still my eyes won't produce the proof of loss and pain. Still no tears._

" _I see." I say quietly. My eyes round as pennies while I stare at his lifeless face. A face that frightened me and loved me. A face I would end my life for. A face with gentle eyes and a smirk. "Thank you Wendy."_

" _Levy, are you okay?" Juvia asks worriedly._

" _What do you mean?" I look at her blankly, the hallow nothingness controlling my features like a puppet._

 _Wendy gasps._

" _Levy your arm!"_

 _I look down at it. The arm that was trying to will the life back into my beloved. It had turned a deep blue purple hue._

" _Huh. Would you look at that?"_

" _Let me heal it for you." Wendy moves to my side and clutches my arms gently. I do not feel the pain._

" _Gajeel would have called me a plum arm." I say and start laughing. I laugh and laugh. My friends stare at me with horrified looks._

" _Get it? Plum because its blue and purple." I wheeze._

 _Wendy gulps. "Please sit still, Levy. I need to fix this quick before the damage is too great."_

 _I will myself to silence but the joke is still at the back of my mind. Plum arm. I giggle._

" _There. All done." She looks at me with sadness._

" _It's still blue." I grin. Plum arm._

" _Um yeah. It's going to take a day or two for it to completely heal. But you shouldn't be feeling any pain."_

" _No. I'm okay." I smile._

" _Levy. I know you're shocked and I'm so sorry but we need to move him from this place."_

" _Sure." I say. Plum arm. It doesn't sound funny anymore._

 _At that moment, the rest of the guild shows up. Gajeels' body sends them in a shocked halt. They whisper between each other and look at me and him. One or two start crying._

 _Suddenly, I don't feel like being here anymore. I don't want all these people stifling Gajeel and me. They aren't in love with him. I am._

" _Can we move?" I ask impatiently._

" _Yes of course." Natsu stands up and with the strength of his pain carries his fellow Dragon Slayer._

 _Gajeels head limps on his shoulder and I could swear at that sight I heard my heart break. It didn't break in two. It shattered to a million fragments. Scattered in my body. I was surprised nobody heard the crack. I move to him and with my sleeve wipe away the dust that had gathered beneath his eyes. I press a kiss to his forehead._

 _Then I collapse._

 _I wake up with a jolt. I'm in the guild's infirmary. Lucy is sleeping on a chair beside my bed. I don't want to disturb her sleep but the main reason I don't wake her is that I want to be alone. It's like I'm separated from the rest of them. They live here in Magnolia. But I don't. Perhaps my body does. But my soul has long left this Earth._

 _I slip out the door and glance back. Even in her sleep, you can still see the tear tracks on her cheek. Also it's midnight. I find a nurse and she informs me that Lily is safe. He's resting in the other room. I don't want to see Lily. I don't want to see anyone. She tells me Wendy fixed me up good and that she insists I spend the night here even though I wouldn't need any more medical attention. I thank her for her help and insist back that I can't stay here. I need to go home. She tells me that Gajeel was moved to the upstairs floor. I nod and leave._

I slump on the blue couch. The blue couch that Gajeel chose because it matched my unruly hair. I can smell the blood and his scent mixed together. The silence is unnerving and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds until it's a mountain sitting on my chest and heart and stomach and head and legs. And my plum arm. My plum arm is still blue but when I poke it it doesn't hurt.

So many memories in this house. The love we shared was truly embedded in the walls. I love his cold exterior that melted whenever he saw me. I love our height differences. I love his wild black hair that he let me brush every morning. I love his strong arms that engulfed me completely and the way he pet my head. I love the new recipes he learned and cooked for me. I love the question mark face he had whenever I explained something historical or magical pertaining to our jobs. I love his iron studs and I love his iron heart that was warmer than anything I had ever seen. Love. Huh. I guess it's loved now.

The silence that was sitting on my chest was melding into my body. After a few agonizing moments, the silence fused in with the hallow nothing and they made a magical reaction. I stood up hazily and walked to our bedroom. I found his jacket on the bed. He had opted to go without it. I hold it in my hands and remember the amount of times I tore it off him and the times I helped him put it on. I bury my face in it and it smells of him so much and that's when the magical reaction sets off. The hallow nothing is gone. And the tears are here. The floodgates open and I fall to my knees. I cry. I weep. I sob. I cry and cry and cry and cry. My tears and his blood on my clothes drench his jacket.

I lose my mind and scream. I scream for the heavens. I scream for everything. I scream for his laugh that I will never hear. I scream for his voice that I would never hear. I scream for his pain before he died. I scream for his sadness. I scream for his sad years. I scream for his insecurity when he joined our guild. I scream for the day he defended me against Laxus. I scream for his past, present and lost future. I scream for my pain. I scream until my voice gives up on me. And my tears become blood.

"WHY! WHY! WHY! THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. THIS ISN'T FAIR. WHY? WHY? WHY MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND LEAVE ME? WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT GAJEEL? WHY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? ARE YOU HAPPY?"

I crumble to the floor and whisper between my tears:

"Death doesn't happen to you, Gajeel. It happens to the people around you. Death happened to me. I get to live with this. Why didn't you survive this? Why did they take you away from me? Why didn't my love protect you? Why wasn't my love enough?"

The blackness engulfs me for the second time that night.

The sun shines bright on the place on the floor where I was sleeping. I wake up slowly and realize that my face is all sticky and stuck to something. I peel it off. Gajeel's jacket. I can still taste the salty tears. A fresh wave of pain crashes over and I sob. Quietly this time. The hysteria had ebbed away with the sleep. But it's biding its time to resurface again.

What do I do now?

I don't know.

These past few years, I had coordinated my life for two people not one. I don't even remember what I used to do before him.

Do I eat now? Or is it rude because he died and eating is something normal people do and I am not normal right now. But I am not hungry. I look down at my clothes. Do I take a shower? And throw the clothes in the washing? But that's Gajeel's blood. Washing it off didn't feel right.

What do I do?

I decide to wash my face. Even though the tears would keep streaming until I hardly notice them and then they'll drown me. Good. I'll get to see Gajeel then. Washing my face seemed like the least harmful thing I could do.

Next thing I know, I'm in the reading room.

Should I go see Gajeel in the infirmary and say goodbye? I don't know. I honestly have no idea what to do. I sit on the blue couch and watch the skies from the window. Waiting for something to happen or someone to tell me what to do. All I can do is cry now.

The birds fly and chirp. The breeze is beautiful and it carries inside the room. The world is moving on without Gajeel. What a strange feeling. I hear children laughing from the streets beside our apartment. Do they not know Gajeel died? How people carry on oblivious to others pain.

Suddenly, my front door slams open and with the force of a tornado Lucy barges in.

I sit up with a jolt and stare at her as she breaths in heavily.

"Lucy! What's wrong?" I ask scared.

"LEVY!" She wheezes leaning against the wall. "GAJEEL… NOT… DEAD… WOKE… NOW… GO… OH… MY… GOD!"

The heavens have collided and I have lost my mind for sure. This doesn't make any sense. If it doesn't make sense then that means I went insane. Or Lucy is insane. Or we both are. Because she either said Gajeel isn't dead or I hallucinated her barging in.

"What are you talking about?" I half yell.

Lucy doubles over regaining her breath.

"Levy we were wrong. He didn't die. He was knocked out real good. Wendy's magic came just in the nick of time. He woke up now. Go. GO!"

The tears that had been flooding reopen their gates for the millionth time and happy, hopeful, joyful tears spring out.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." I keep crying out while running like a woman out of her mind down the stairs, through the streets, gracing the bystanders with my floor hair blowing in disarray, torn bloodied clothes, missing shoe it seems as well and into the infirmary.

"WHERE IS HE?!" I bellow as I fling open the door running inside.

The nurse from yesterday quickly responds.

"Second floor. 13A."

I sprout wings and take off at the speed of a bullet. Second floor. 13 A. My heart pumping with blood and hope.

I fling open 13 A's door and am greeted with the sight for sore eyes.

Gajeel, surrounded by Natsu, Gray, Erza, Juvia, Mira, Master, Canna, and Wendy, all with grins as wide at the sky. Gajeels' eyes are open and he's looking at me. He's looking straight at me!

I stumble in my knees weak with exhilaration. My heart swelling ten times its size and more.

"Ga-jeel?" I pant out the tears tattooed on my cheeks.

"Levy!" He chokes out. His voice is weak. Rough. The bandages wrapping him frighten me and bring me relief. If he's bandaged that means he's alive.

"Come on people." Master says. "Let's leave these two together."

Mira wipes the tears from her eyes and Natsu squeezes my hand as he passes. Erza smiles at me and Gray grins. Juvia, matching Mira also smiles at me while crying.

They close the door behind them and I can't stop staring at him.

"I… thought… you… were… dead…" I choke out. I can't contain my emotions and start sobbing while stumbling towards him.

He opens up his arms and I throw myself into them. They engulf me as they always had and I cry even harder.

"Stupid Gajeel… Stupid… Stupid… Do… you… have… any… idea… what… you… did… to… me?" I grasp at his robe and squeeze.

He rests his head on top of mine.

"I am so sorry, Shorty," He whispers, pain lacing every word. I don't know if it's from the physical blows he suffered or from the emotion that is slashed all over this room. "I didn't think I'd make it either. I knew I was going to die the moment I'd hit the ground. I remember seeing your face and that surprised look and then…"

"Then you crashed." I say into his chest. "Wendy can ask for anything she ever wants and it is hers. I think I love her as much as I love you right now."

He giggles and then winces.

I sit back but refuse to let go.

"Hey, lay back. Don't worry, I am not leaving your side. No power on earth is going to. And if they try I will slash their throats."

"I doubt they will." He whispers.

I lean forward gazing into his eyes. I place my hands on either side of his cheeks and dip my head. I kiss him with every cell in my body. I kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until he has to reach up for air.

"Whoaa. I think I should die more often."

"Shut up. If you ever do that again, the only thing you'll be getting from me is a good beating."

He laughs then sobers up.

"Wait, where's Lily?"

"Don't worry. He's okay. Sleeping off yesterday's battle. It took a good toll on his magic. He's going to be as good as new the nurse tells me."

"Ah thank god."

He gazes down at my clothes.

"Those from yesterday?"

"Yes."

"Take them off."

"What?!"

"No seriously take of that shirt. It's bloodied and god know what infections I could contract here in my vulnerable state."

"Oh my god you're just saying that to get a peep at my underwear." I laugh.

"Gihi. Guilty as charged."

I laugh but oblige him. The shirt was damp with tears, dust and dried blood. A reminder of something ugly. I didn't want it on me anymore. But before I do, I call for a nurse because I refuse to let go of his hand. One immediately shows up and I ask her politely for a shirt. She smiles at me and quickly gets one. I thank her all the while not letting go of him.

"Grab my thigh." I say.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to let you go and I have to put on this shirt. So you need to do the "not letting go part"."

"Okay, weirdo. It's not like am going somewhere."

"Yeah well when you would have had the night I had, you'd feel the same way."

He stiffens at that while I change my shirt.

"Hey are you okay?" I say as I smooth down the white soft T-Shirt. "You didn't make any comments at me changing right here on this bed."

After a moment of silence, his hand tightens on my thigh.

"I can't imagine the night you just went through. I can't even express how sorry I am. I just… I wanted to protect you as long as I lived and I've caused you pain. I just don't know how to apologize for it. Goddammit" he mutters angrily.

"Well you can start by stopping the self-hatred. You're back. That's all that matters. And second, you can scoot a bit to the side so I can lay down."

He looks at me surprised and moves a bit. I make myself comfortable and lay my head on the crook of his neck. Happiness floods every inch of my body and I relax and relax and relax. I sigh contentedly.

"Happy?" he asks.

"Mmm." I say and lift myself up to kiss him.

He notices my bruised arm and says: "Plum arm."

I laugh and so does he.

I shut him up with a kiss.

"I love you." I grin.

"I love you."


End file.
